Quite a while ago, I wrote about how the Au Pair year has changed my life, as well as about other circumstances that I experienced during that time.

I never wrote a post about the experience after returning. I guess, after two and a half years it’s time to finally write about it though.

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I vividly remember the moment the plane landed in Germany. “Wow, this is real… I’m really back”, I thought to myself. In that moment mixed feelings were creeping up. I was torn between sadness and happiness. Once I got back and got to settle a little, I started to feel completely lost. I had a plan in mind that I wanted to follow, but deep down, I wasn’t even sure if I still wanted to follow that plan. I needed time to adjust to this “old/new” environment. At first, I thought that nothing would have really changed, but to my surprise so much has changed, not only in my environment, but also within myself. I saw things from a different view and got used to other surroundings, which made it harder for me to adapt to certain things. Those things could be as simple as walking into a grocery store and instead of hearing a nice “hey, how are you today?”, I mostly would only get an annoyed “hello”, or there wouldn’t even be a real interaction at all. I wasn’t used to this kind of atmosphere / environment anymore. Those little things sound so simple, but as most of you know, the small, simple things in life, can sometimes be the most meaningful ones.

I had to process, that the life I have built in those two years, would not be the life that I would live any longer. The time to process was limited, because I immediately jumped into a new job. In the meantime, I constantly thought about what was going to happen next. I lived through months of adjusting, emotional roller coasters, thinking (A LOT), processing and questioning many things. Moving on – I made a choice. I chose to follow what was once my dream. Despite all the good advice and expectations of others, I chose to pursue a path that was always in the back of my mind, which turned out to be the best decision I could have made. What helped me choose as well, were little hints that were somehow guiding me. At first, I wasn’t quite sure - but soon after I made that choice and as life went on, I was able to see that I did the right thing. Still sometimes I thought that I had lost the life I had. But eventually I found out, that I never lost it. I will always keep this experience in my heart. Even though it’s been so long and Covid didn’t allow me to visit for such a long time, I’m still in contact with my second family and the friends I made. I know that it was worth it to start something new, even though the goodbye was painful and heartbreaking. But goodbyes don't always have to be forever.  The experience of moving back and going through this tough time, has taught me a lot about myself and many aspects of life. Even though it felt heavy during that time, I'm able to see the benefits of going through times like these now.

 

Every experience will shape us in a certain way. It might not always be easy to adapt to new circumstances and new seasons in life but keeping an open mind and embracing what lays ahead will definitely make it a bit easier. What truly matters in the end, is choosing yourself and what your heart desires.